Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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