I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
You can't see him, he's in front of the dildo, but Amelia Earhart is blocking your view.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Sigh. I'll find the right guy one day.
Prince charming is right around the corner and will be freaky as shit!
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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