I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
kristin has been a bad kristin
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Randomize
