My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Randomize
