Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
Weird question, would you want to do fetish porn? you get paid.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Can't trust a bar that doesn't have fireball
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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