Umm I'm too high to move.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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