Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
