so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
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