If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
I paid your brother in tostitos to drive me home.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
Randomize
