I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
