Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
what is with people arguing over soda or pop? to be honest i thought it was just called chaser
I have another pimple on my ass cheek.
I'll be there in 10 minutes.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
I think the only context in which I'd be comfortable being kidnapped is by a band of baby sloths
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
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