Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Btw, remind me to tell you about how I had to cancel my crazy wild sex plans with Will b/c my roommate came back from his trip after a day b/c Canada wouldn't let him in. Fucking cockblock.
Actually that's the whole story. You don't have to remind me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
My good Christian morals say no, but my complete disregard of anything related to religion says yes
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
Randomize
