my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
Randomize
