Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
