He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
