I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
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