I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
