apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
