I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Ok ladies its the usual spring break system. 5 for a guy, 10 for a non-lesbian girl and double points is its a group thing. Hottest guy of the day is an additional 15. GAME ON
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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