Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
He has started theming his dick pics. I have one he sent his duck has a sombrero on. Another a Barbie is riding it.
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
