....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
