I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
No, the responsible one does not yell out "lets go to iHop" at 5 in the morning to a bunch of drunk people with munchies.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
Randomize
