Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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