he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
