I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
It's times like this I miss having my nipples pinched
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
her 18 year old son fed me pieces of a french roll like a pigeon, as I lay on the floor of the bathroom crying.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
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