totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I want him in the "you're a terrible idea and are probably going to get me killed by my parents, my siblings, and my boyfriend" way
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Randomize
