And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I could have mohawked her pubes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
So I just saw someone get shoved into a car trunk by your car.
Randomize
