just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
