Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
Randomize
