I'm going to rape someone's good day.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
Randomize
