I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
My boobs grew. They knew we were going to vegas.
We had to coat check the pizza.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
