cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
What did the sign say that bob stapled to his ass?
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Have you ever forgotten how to pee? I did last night. Standing in front of the urinal with dick in hand. WTF were we drinking???
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