Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
