that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
