I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
