guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
me + whiskey = a bad person
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
