There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
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