Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I'm passing your future prison.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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