so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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