idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
Randomize
