I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
btw he is cheating on one twin with the other. the main woman in his life has a mullet. I defiantly have either the coolest or weirdest uncle ever
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
Randomize
