and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
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