508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
