just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
