How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
i find it depressing how it takes me longer to find a good video compared to the actual jacking off process.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
