CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Randomize
