There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
You kicked my dad IN THE NUTS right when he walked in.
Sorry, man. Thought he was a cop.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
