You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Blacked out, Had to be carried out of the bar again by two large black bouncers. Asked them to be my "boo thangz" Again.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
No. Nooooo. No way. She looked like Amanda Bynes. The recent one not the one from All That.
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
