ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
Randomize
