I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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