i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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