Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
Randomize
